I have made some decisions over the past couple of days that have made me feel like a load has been lifted off of me... firstly, I am going to look for another job when James and I return from the US in January. I have been extremely fortunate to have the opportunities afforded to me at my current position, especially since I have supposedly "left" twice by now (and then returned again...)- but I think the time has come to find something else. I have had enough of shift work, especially since I work permanent night shifts on a fortnightly roster (something like 2 on, 2 off, 3 on, 2 off etc...) and my body just can't seem to manage the constant juggle of sleeping patterns- I feel like I have constant jet lag! Also, after almost 7 years of working in my current position, with little room to work my way up the ladder, I really don't feel intellectually stimulated any longer... and as I do night shifts my contact with the residents (my primary love: hands on work) is somewhat limited given that they are asleep for at least 70% of my shift! It is difficult though, as I have built relationships with the residents over the years I have been there and so I almost feel guilty for wanting to leave (I think it's the sense of abandonment I would feel...) but I know full well that I am not irreplaceable and knowing there are other fabulous carers there makes it easier to leave.

One of the reasons I have remained at my workplace for so long is that shift work always worked in quite well with my university commitments. Which leads to another decision I have finally made... I'm not going to finish my special education degree. Maybe that sounds bad, but to put it in context... as a graduate entry student into that degree, it was a two year course, of which I completed one year. But after that one year I realised that I really wasn't happy- I didn't like the course all that much and knew that I didn't want to be a classroom teacher. I continued on thinking that I would probably go back and finish, and that I could utilise the degree in another way- but the truth is, I just don't want to. I'm not going to force myself to finish a course I don't like- what kind of teacher would that make me?? I feel quite a sense of guilt for this, I hate not finishing things that I start and that makes me feel like I've failed... but to be realistic, I tried something for a year, it didn't work out, and that's ok. So I'm not going to beat myself up over it! I would love to do some kind of study next year though, and have looked into some distance education diplomas that I could work in with my disability studies degree. For the first time in a long time I feel excited about studying and learning again, doing something that I would have a real passion for and motivation and enthusiasm about!

I figure, I'm 30 next year, and I'm going to try to do more things I want to do, and less of the things I feel obligated to do! (Haha, I'm so idealistic!)

Since James arrived here, my priorities have completely changed- maybe this would be a given (and in our situation, it was) but actually, there have been many other times in my life where I haven't prioritised the way that I should have and have suffered the consequences as a result. I have deferred study for the last 2 years to concentrate on my family life, and it's been wonderful that we have been able to spend that time just together with no other outside pressures except for work- just to concentrate on our life together. Study has definitely not been at the top of my to do list, as there have been so many other things that have needed my time and attention. James will always come first, but I think that I'm ready to return to some study, moreover, study in an area that I know is right for me!



In other recent news, James is laid up at home at the moment with a sore thumb... Apparently his right thumb has a sprain as a result of a work injury- but he has taken the advice of his doctor and is having a couple of days off to rest it before returning to work- as you can imagine, he is SOO upset at having to stay home!! Haha. He'll be back at work on Monday!


Tomorrow is Friday- YAY! It's my weekend off, and at the moment we don't have any definite plans. I'm babysitting tomorrow afternoon, and then I think the rest of the weekend is all freed up. This makes a change from every other weekend, usually we have constant plans!! But then, we'll see what happens tomorrow, chances are our free weekend won't last long- but that'll be fine with us!